How to get ris of Jehova's Witness'

[LJP07]

This is a part of a thread started in the theology forum by Ljpo7, which does not belong there. Personally I think it should not belong anywhere as it is disrespectful, but people can have their own views on this. So here goes, also my apologies to LJP07, as it seems he is starter of this thread in the watercooler, I didn't figure how to take away the first post in thread without deleting the whole thread.Sanctus

[Michaelangelica]

How to Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses

 

Qedit: link was enough.

 

Jeff & Laurie's Page

Humor

How to Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses :D

[CerebralEcstasy]

When you open the door and there's one there saying, "hello, I'm collecting for the Jehovah's witnesses...", interrupt them and say, "Great, I'm Jehovah. How much have we made so far?"

 

(While funny - if a 'Jehovah's Witness' is collecting money THEY'RE NOT REALLY WITNESSES!')

 

A chalk outline of a human body on the sidewalk, and a few copies of The Watchtower scattered around...

 

(Funny...but they're not as witless as some people would like to believe :D~)

 

My mother (a second-generation atheist) used to say (in a very sweet voice): "I'm sorry, I don't give a damn about Jesus." Worked everytime. The Witnesses just backed off the porch in slack-jawed, bug-eyed disbelief.

 

Depends on the witness....

 

Agreed, we are not prepared for this one, but it has to be carried off perfectly. The more sincere you appear, the more baffled the Witness will be: Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say "Allah be Praised!!!" and just see what happens.

 

Automatic weapons are undeniably the best deterrent to Witnesses. For extra effect, fire a few rounds into the air or towards their car. Pretend you hear a voice inside your head telling you to kill the witness. Guaranteed to stop future visits for several years.

 

(Unfortunately this would be when the US government also shows up and has you arrested for being a terrorist.......funny in theory, but sort of like exclaiming you have a bomb in your suitcase at the airport)

 

The young couple came to my door. I was wearing my robe, and had just awakened. Now let me explain, I am a very unusual looking person anyway, but when I awake, I look like some kind of movie monster, I have hair all over everywhere. I made my eyes real piercing, and stared past them. I knew who they were, you can tell, they look so cute in their getup and their bland faces.Well the female one obviously is supposed to do the introduction because she sort of panicked, and said: "We're...we're...we're..we're....we're...." And then she stared helplessly at the other one and he said: "uh... uh.... uh... uh..."I then did a really fierce grin and stuck out my hand in a very fast gesture, and opened all my fingers, and in a voice sort of a mixture between Peter Lore and Lurch, I said: I... WILL... TAKE... YOUR... LITERATURE... AND... GIVE... IT... TO... MY... MASTER. The male one quickly handed me a copy of whatever rag they were peddling. they did not ask for a donation.They ran.It's a true story, and they never came back.

 

A friend claims that when Jehovah's Witlesses knock on her door, her first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why she wants to know, she says it is so she can visit them to push her beliefs. So far, none of them have given their address. It also marks the end of the interview. SLAM!

 

That would really suck if someone gave her the address to the kingdom hall...some smart alec witness might...... I know I would

 

 

A guy goes up to my friend's friend and asks, "Can I talk to you about God?" She says, "Sure, what would you like to know?"

 

 

JW ladies come to the door. One of them has small child in tow. Interrupts SIW's dinner. If you knew SIW like I knew SIW, you wouldn't do that. SIW: Thank you, but I already have a religion. JW: May I ask what it is? SIW: I'd really rather not say. {Pregnant pause} I'm not sure if it's legal in this country. Supposedly they gave her a real strange look on their way back down the stairs.

 

I answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

 

(I think in this day and age I'd be calling the cops. There was a news article here that talked about a guy bbqing his girlfriend on his balcony....a virgin sacrifice wouldn't seem out of the norm really.....)

[CraigD]

Jeff & Laurie's Page

Humor

How to Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses :D

"I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

This brings to mind one of my favorite funny (yet serious) comic strip on the subject or religious tolerance: Patrick Farley’s Saturnalia. (Warning: mildly pornographic)

[Titas Aduksus]

For all unsolicited callers we have a a little fluffy toy, we'll just put him down on the porch and say, "A bit busy at the moment, tell raggles all about it, and if it's something interesting, he'll us later" - after we did this 2 or three times, word seems to have gotten round, we see them in the street from time to time but they just don't call here anymore... Thankyou Pavlov..

[CerebralEcstasy]

Edited as my post was more of an anecdote, and didn't really fit with the theme of the thread.