(Sociology) what do you say when your wife/girlfriend says "

[Buffy]

I'll propose that it's more about attention than compliments.

There's a difference? ;) B)

My girlfriend will frequently ask me questions such as the aforementioned when I'm immersed in a personal activity such as finding a good news morsel for the Hypo community. I've learned that it's best to stop what I am doing and interact with her. After a few moments of careful attention, I'm awarded with about 15 minutes of solitude (or more, depending on how many outfits are involved).

Sit! Roll-over! Good boy! Have a Scooby-Snack! :)

I immerse myself in her presence when she is near; she is my queen and when I put her on a pedestal, I become not a servant, but a king]

...and that's why Freezey gets a free pass! :cheer:

 

I can live two months on a good compliment, :phones:

Buffy

[Qfwfq]

But just saying, "Of course not," will probably not change her mind about it anyway so you might as well take the high road. But don't over flatter her in that moment or she'll know you're FOS.

This is where you totally fail to understand a woman.

 

You don't really think the average intelligent woman is likely to fall for the old "drop your jaw, widen your eyes and say "you look *amazing* in that!" trick, do you? You don't think that's a bit overcooked? Women can't see through that while they're trying to figure out what's wrong with the way their outfit fits? They probably figure that we're not only FOS but we obviously have bad judgement about clothes as well. Don't you see the no-win situation this puts us in. Why do you think INow suggested to just change the subject?

That's very logical REASON, but are you sure IN's advice is what'll will keep her darning your socks until the grave?:rolleyes:

 

Maybe what I don't get is that this situation isn't really about clothes at all. Maybe it's a way in which someone is soliciting a compliment.

Le coeur a ses raisons que (la) RAISON ne connaît pas.

[InfiniteNow]

That's very logical REASON, but are you sure IN's advice is what'll will keep her darning your socks until the grave?:rolleyes:

It works for me. :shade:

 

 

The true thing to remember is that there is no absolute right answer, just a series of "less wrong" ones. :hihi:

[Buffy]

...but are you sure IN's advice is what'll will keep her darning your socks until the grave?

It works for me. :shade:

If you're extremely lucky (and well-behaved!), I'll go down to Old Navy to buy you socks--with *your* credit card--but darn them? Not bloody likely! :hihi:

 

People judge you not by the size of your feet, but by whether your socks match, :rolleyes:

Buffy

[REASON]

This is where you totally fail to understand a woman.

 

Boy, Don Juan! That was a bit of a hit-and-run comment. Maybe you'd be willing to enlighten me.

 

First of all, I don't presume to totally understand anyone. There's only so much about a person I can know. I try to avoid generalizations as well. Not all women are the same. Maybe I'm a bit jaded because in my experience, my ex-wife never really seemed to hear my compliments of her because her self-critical filter translated what I said into what she believed about herself. I rarely felt appreciated for all the positive and uplifting things I said to her that were truly genuine. Obviously, she didn't understand me either. And as a result, I probably stopped giving them. Other women respond differently.

 

 

That's very logical REASON, but are you sure IN's advice is what'll will keep her darning your socks until the grave?:rolleyes:

 

I didn't promote IN's comment. I only noted it as an example of how confounding this situation can be, and how avoidance can be used to deal with it.

 

 

I feel that my initial post has been a bit misunderstood. Look at the context of what I was saying: Read between the lines, be protective of her feelings, take the high road, be genuine and honest (not FOS), and have honorable intentions. Where is the lack of wisdom in those concepts?

[Michaelangelica]

Well Michael, see what I mean? Lots of them need help. Unfortunately, some are beyond help! :doh:

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLIOLO

Buffy I nearly wet myself

Yes I see what you mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Qfwfq]

It works for me.

I'd like to see to what extent!!! Where I do agree with you is that there's a long, long, long series of "less wrong" answers. :)

 

A more serious one, especially if her bum clearly wouldn't make her a good belly dancer: "Your bum is absolutely fine honey. Most of all, you'd be just as great with any bum in the world!"

 

Maybe you'd be willing to enlighten me.

Lesson not included in the price.:)

 

First of all, I don't presume to totally understand anyone.

Note that I did not say "fail to totally understand" I said "totally fail to understand". And maybe it wasn't that your ex-wife didn't understand your compliments, maybe she understood them all too well...

 

I only noted it as an example of how confounding this situation can be, and how avoidance can be used to deal with it.

As long as you are unaware of what makes a woman a woman, apart from having a womb and a few other anatomical parts.

 

I feel that my initial post has been a bit misunderstood. Look at the context of what I was saying: Read between the lines, be protective of her feelings, take the high road, be genuine and honest (not FOS), and have honorable intentions. Where is the lack of wisdom in those concepts?

No lack of wisdom in them, only incompleteness.

[Michaelangelica]

Lets you and him fight

I'll just watch

What fun:)

[freeztar]

(Freeztar grabs the popcorn and pops a squat beside Michaelangelica)

[Queso]

(Orbsycli swiftly snags three puffy pieces of popcorn and replaces them to his mouth where two peanut M&M's are already waiting to be mashed together during the prelude)

[InfiniteNow]

Well, any suggestions on what is the perfect reply when your wife/girlfriend says:-

"Does my bum look too big in this?"

 

You could always just say, "I love you."

[Queso]

or "I love your butt"

[Michaelangelica]

(Freeztar grabs the popcorn and pops a squat beside Michaelangelica)

LOLlololol

Yep stir the pot sit and watch

You didn't realise that this was the Greatest question of All Time?

 

Equivalent to the answer (to what question?) E=MC2 (And who the hell asked it anyway?)

Pity there aren't a few more Buffys on the Forum

[Symbology]

Well, any suggestions on what is the perfect reply when your wife/girlfriend says:-

"Does my bum look too big in this?"

 

The cocky and funny technique of David D'Angelo is to say with a playful tone:

*pause*

Well... I wasn't going to say anything but....

*wink*

 

If you do it right she will hit you on the arm, tell you what a jerk you are and laugh.

 

If you do it wrong she will hit you on the arm, tell you what a jerk you are (and maybe walk).

 

There is a subtle but key difference there in your intention and your confidence in yourself.

 

In general the trick is to use a judo move. Take their worst fear and make it a reality... thereby making it ridiculous.

 

It's something like what Sheldon on the CBS show "The Big Bang Theory" introduced me to. Reducto ad absurdum - reduction to the absurd.

 

This technique also works on your best buddy who is bumming about whether he will ever get another girlfriend. "You're right man... there is not a woman on this planet that would ever want to get near you... in fact that woman that was eying you in Starbucks the other day... she was just getting your license plate number to warn all the other women out there. Now c'mon... quit being a worry wart and lets go have some fun"

 

But I guess the key issue is where you are in the relationship. If you are the one always trying to make her happy, you will make her miserable because you aren't being yourself and being "authentic". If instead you do the things that you like to do (that think of her and include her) then she will be a much happier camper and wont have time to ask you silly questions like "does this make my butt look..." because you will be telling her to get her (hiking boots, black dress, notebook for the local discussion on X) so that you can go!

 

The key thing that "nice guys" miss is that they need to do their homework. They need to spend the time to find activities for the couple to do that will be fun for both of them. The worst mistake any guy can make is to say "whatever you want to do dear" because that shows you have not done your homework and you are leaving the work up to her to figure something out and make the decision. They don't like that. And eventually a confident girl will go find a guy who does do his homework.

 

By the way its alway important to have Plan B (and even C) so that if she doesn't like Plan A you have the fall back. If she doesn't like Plan A, B, or C then consider she is giving you the signal that the two of you really are just not all that compatible and it's time to find someone who will appreciate your Plans.

 

"There's nothing like the power of good bye"

- Madonna

[REASON]

(REASON grabs a small Coke for $10 at the concession stand and joins the other voyeurs.....waiting for someone to contribute more than just tight-lipped criticisms)

 

 

.....oh wait! I'm supposed to be in the middle of this fight.

 

 

Well, sorry. To me it isn't worth fighting over this issue. Not here on this thread, nor at home with your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend. Forgive me if I don't think this particular issue is the crux of a successful marriage/relationship. There are so many variables involved that require knowing the person you're dealing with. And if a relationship can't withstand fumbling an answer to a question like this, than it probably doesn't have a strong enough foundation in the first place and requires a lot of work, or is doomed to fail.

 

Generally speaking, I believe honesty is the best policy in any relationship. Honesty and trust are the crux of a successful relationship. You can love someone with all your heart, but it will be meaningless without honesty and trust. If you believe the outfit makes her look great, tell her the truth. If you think the outfit is unflattering, she deserves to know the truth. If you don't care about clothing, let her know. Just be sensitive to her feelings in the process. If a relationship can't handle truth and honesty, either you have a lot of work to do, or you might as well hang it up.

 

Who here is going to claim that they have always said the right thing to their partner? Who can admit that they've made mistakes in dealing with the one they love? Well I sure have, and I expect I'll make more. Beat me with a skillet or call me a total failure with incomplete assertions if you will, but I know my intentions, and I will continue to be someone who strives to be considerate, honorable, caring, honest, and loving toward the people that are the most important to me in my life. And even in those efforts, I may still find myself misunderstood, misrepresented, and just plain **** on.

 

Such is the miracle of life.

[Symbology]

(REASON grabs a small Coke for $10 at the concession stand and joins the other voyers.....waiting for someone to contribute more than just tight-lipped criticisms)

 

 

.....oh wait! I'm supposed to be in the middle of this fight.

 

 

Well, sorry. To me it isn't worth fighting over this issue. Not here on this thread, nor at home with your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend. Forgive me if I don't think this particular issue is the crux of a successful marriage/relationship. There are so many variables involved that require knowing the person you're dealing with, and if a relationship can't withstand fumbling an answer to a question like this, than it probably doesn't have a strong enough foundation in the first place and requires a lot of work, or is doomed to fail.

 

Generally speaking, I believe honesty is the best policy in any relationship. Honesty and trust are the crux of a successful relationship. You can love someone with all your heart, but it will be meaningless without honesty and trust. If you believe the outfit makes her look great, tell her the truth. If you think the outfit is unflattering, she deserves to know the truth. If you don't care about clothing, let her know. Just be sensitive to her feelings in the process. If a relationship can't handle truth and honesty, either you have a lot of work to do, or you might as well hang it up.

 

Who here is going to claim that they have always said the right thing to their partner? Who can admit that they've made mistakes in dealing with the one they love? Well I sure have, and I expect I'll make more. Beat me with a skillet or call me a total failure with incomplete assertions if you will, but I know my intentions, and I will continue to be someone who strives to be considerate, honorable, caring, honest, and loving toward the people that are the most important to me in my life. And even in those efforts, I may still find myself misunderstood, misrepresented, and just plain **** on.

 

Such is the miracle of life.

 

Bravo! :applause:

[Symbology]

By the way the D'Angelo technique mentioned above is dangerous if you don't have the correct frame. If you do not have a playful relationship with your mate then I would work at setting that as a goal. Because if everything is taken seriously then what I said will only get you put in boiling oil =)

 

But then if everything is being taken seriously, how the jeans fit is really not the chief of your worries.