Funky e-mails to Hypography

[Tormod]

I am going to start posting some of the stuff that lands in Hypography's inbox. I'll anonymize if I feel like it, but usually these are pretty harmless (apart from causing heartbreaking sympathy or killer laughs). I'll mostly leave out spammers though. :)

 

Here's the first, freshly arrived:

 

A time travel, which doensn't seem impossible to me, is a topic, I don't know, don't think, if

I can fail to mention to you, thus & meanwhile absolutely welcome, please, yes, still, to re- ceive any of my further & most relevant labour information, e.g. that my fate mission hangs by a 'sought' thread, so that I can of course tell & e.g. help us both etc. find out &, whoever's who, our best answers to, what's our just as good future, all about & forever to be, why & when, to be continued, greet's, (email deleted).

[Tormod]

A cute one:

 

I am trying to solve a project problem. I would like to convert Hertz (Hz) to nanometers (nm) in the electromag spectrum. My school project is important and need to complete. Is ther a site you can dirct me to to or will you give details/solution?? Thank you,

[Tormod]

Creative but strange (we just find images online, like everyone else, and try to avoid copyrighted images, like everyone else). And they failed to send an example of how they want to use it... :)

 

Dear Hypography,

 

I am writing on behalf of (a corporation), to seek general permission to use material from your website. Specifically, we would like to seek ongoing use of the image depicting a “cross-section of a coronary artery.”

 

With your permission, this material will be used within a slide presentation by members of the healthcare profession (e.g. Diabetic Nurse Educators) to educate patients around diabetic complications, specifically cardiovascular-related disease. Please be assured that each use of this material will reflect the traditional high (corporation name) standard for quality and professionalism.

 

Enclosed below is an example of your original material and an example of our proposed use.

 

hypography.com/.../thumb_atherosclerosis.jpeg

 

Thank you for your guidance / consideration,

[Tormod]

The smart-*** (this is more usual than you'd believe):

 

You have postings on your website that are long out of date.

Please remove them.

 

Okay. Can we send them to you for archiving?

[Tormod]

The creative spammer (or lunatic):

 

Good day,

 

My name is Sgt. kelvin Williams, a member of the U.S. ARMY USARPAC Medical Team which was deployed to Iraq in the beginning of the Iraqi war. I would like to share some highly classified information about my personal experience and the role which I played in the pursuit of my career serving in the U.S. ARMY. However, I would like to hold back certain information for security reasons until you have the time to visit the BBC website stated below. This will enable you to have insight as to what I'm intending to share with you.

 

BBC NEWS | Middle East | Stash of money found in Baghdad

 

Please get back to me after visiting the above referenced website to enable us to discuss the matter more. I'm uncomfortable sending this message to you without knowing if you are indeed with me or you decide to go public. Please reply via my personal email at: [email protected]. To confirm you have visited the site and understand my intentions:

 

Thankfully awaiting your urgent action,

[Tormod]

The disappointed surfer who found one of our many scams:

 

Please unregister me. In my first forum visit, I stumbled onto one of the hydrogen scam postings. I have no interest at all in taking part in a forum that permits that sort of nonsense save in a pseudoscience folder.

Thanks

[freeztar]

Those darn Hydrogen scams will be the end of us! :)

[Tormod]

More creative spam

 

Since we subscribed to this website we have received a lot of spam. We would therefore like to unsubscribe and have this email address removed from your website – how do we go about doing this?

 

Thank you

 

...the link back to their anti-spam software has been removed.

[Tormod]

The n00b:

 

I noticed that my posting and my personal profile information has been placed on the world wide web on Google. Why?

 

Because Google is not Bing, of course.

[Tormod]

A repeat offender:

 

An issue, yourselves & any good lawyer of yours are for whatever why & a.s.a.p. please quite welcome to take into consideration & e.g. up with me, so

that I can of course tell & e.g. help us all realise, what's a good future, based

on, what's common sense, any suggestions, please? Greetings,

 

We are waiting for the results from the SETI Institute before we make any suggestions.

[Tormod]

The pro-bono requester:

 

my company is organising an it challenge for the junior high schools in Accra-Ghana. and i wish you to give us support by providing us at least 400 questions on ms office application and computer history.

 

Best Regards

 

Sorry. However, we have tons of MS Office error messages lying around the office.

[Mercedes Benzene]

Hahaha. This is brilliant Tormod.

 

I especially like the one about the hydrogen scam. :)

[Tormod]

The curious one:

 

Wood + carbon = What ?

 

We don't know what question mark, either.

[freeztar]

The curious one:

 

 

 

We don't know what question mark, either.

 

I think that's the best one! :)

 

I've got one for you, but maybe you've seen it already. "I'd like to register to your site, but I'm not sure what username to use. Do you have a recommendation?". :hihi:

[Boerseun]

Awesome thread, T. You should've done this long ago! Who knows, you might just one day write a book about the trials and tribulations of running a web forum...

[lemit]

Tormod,

 

Thank you!

 

This is probably going to become my all-time favorite thread. Please keep it up. The more junk you make people aware of, the more junk they will be able to recognize by its structure. It is the structure of language more than its specific words that catches our brains. We don't immediately notice if looking and leaping are transposed. The sentence still scans, and we are in danger of following its advice. If this thread makes anybody check to be sure the words are in the right order, it will have given one of the most important lessons anybody can have.

 

So maybe, education can be fun.

 

--lemit

[Tormod]

The brilliant scientist ready to share his discovery:

 

Mister editor i have visited the list of theories on your site.I am a little sientist from Crotia.I

have a theory for time travel: H=c²:m

H represents electromagnetic field

c represents speed of light

m represents mass

 

All rights for the theory resrvd.

Copying this theory is againts the law.

 

Oops, I did it again!