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Posted
Mister editor i have visited the list of theories on your site.I am a little sientist from Crotia.I

have a theory for time travel: H=c²:m

H represents electromagnetic field

c represents speed of light

m represents mass

 

Wow! I never thought of that! I'm going to try it as soon as I get through with this Ghanaian thing I'm working on.

 

Wish me luck! I'll be reporting back as soon as I work out the technical details.

 

--lemit

Posted

Another optimistic fact-finder:

 

Dear Sirs,

We want to ask you to give us plans for building charcoal kilns capacity of 10 tones charcoal and the way of how to fullfill them.

 

Feel free to ask.

Posted

We want to ask you to give us plans for building charcoal kilns capacity of 10 tones charcoal and the way of how to fullfill them.

Take one airplane hangar . . . .

 

--lemit

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

The hopeful optimist:

 

please i want an admission to any university in your country i want to school by scholarship award, which can be play on net on in nigeria.

 

Can, yes we!

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

The hopeful spammer:

 

Sub: Personnel Contact Information Request

 

Greetings,

 

I would like to take this opportunity to express our gratitude and appreciation for organization's remarkable contribution to the regional growth, development.

 

Your organization has been a significant part of our events and endeavors for growth and knowledge enrichment in the region. I hope you were pleased with your experiences at our events. We certainly enjoyed having you and look forward to seeing you again.

 

Meanwhile, we are updating our database and contacts to ensure that further upcoming event details reach you and other concerned people at the right time and as per your interests. To be able to serve you better, I request you to kindly provide me with an updated list of your company personnel so that we can notify them of upcoming events specific to their job profiles and interests.

 

Please click here to update your contacts.

 

I appreciate your support in this endeavor and making our events a success.

 

 

Thanking you,

 

Ali Al Kamali

Managing Director

(Funky company name removed)

 

Thanks Mr Kamali. We were very pleased with our experiences at your events. Say hi to the brunette from us, okay?

  • 5 weeks later...
Posted

The we-fix mail:

 

Increase traffic to your website

 

We would like to get your website on first page of Google.

 

All of our processes use the most ethical "white hat" Search Engine Optimization

techniques that will not get your website banned or penalized.

 

Please reply and I would be happy to send you a proposal.

 

In order for us to respond to your request for information,

please include your company’s website address (mandatory) and or phone number.

 

You you need our website address? But you managed to find our e-mail? Good robot!

Posted

I get these all the time from Contact Us Form Bots.... the address is always in New York or New Jersey with an actual residential address but the zip code is always 11111, and they always have a generated gmail.com e-mail address....so while the request for the web site is absurd, so is the notion that I'd go for SEO advice from some guy in his bedroom who doesn't even have a legitimate website of his own!

 

Never take the advice of someone who has not had your kind of trouble, B)

Buffy

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

The formalistic spammer:

 

Taxpayer ID: editor-00000174073547US

 

 

Tax Type: INCOME TAX

Issue: Unreported/Underreported Income (Fraud Application)

Please review your tax statement on Internal Revenue Service (IRS) website (click on the link below):

 

review tax statement for taxpayer id: editor-00000174073547US

 

Internal Revenue Service

 

Oops. We were unaware that we had filed a Fraud Application. We hereby repeal it. Nothing more to see here, move on.

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

The weird one.

 

Dear Ramon. I would like to offer you a job opportunity with Velso Estate Solutions Ltd. I have found your resume in the CareerBuilder job database. Our company is looking for a highly-motivated customer service agent for working remotly. We are offering quite an attractive salary and bonuses. Our company’s speciality is in selling various real estate all over the world. Our trademark is famous for its high-quality client service and support. So, if you apply, you should provide a professional service for our clients from USA and Canada. We are experiencing trouble with supporting our USA and Canadian clients, that's why we are looking for a person, who would promote our services in these countries and consult our clients. Title: Regional agent Base Salary: $1500, paid bi-weekly, total $3000 per month, excluding bonuses. The bonuses are calculated by our manager after analizing your success in job performance. You will also receive a stable 5% bonus from every sold real estate. Please contact me if you are interested with this opportunity. Sincerely, Mark Farringer

 

Fantastic! Just what I've been looking for. You *do* mean to let me in on the scam, right???

Posted

The well-meaning idiot:

 

Your website name is STUPID. Hypography = "hyperlink" + "bibliography" ??? Don't you mean HYPERGRAPHY!?

 

Oh my god what EPIC FAILURE! LOL

 

KNOCK KNOCK

WHOS THERE?

OBVIOUSLY NOT YOUR BRAIN!

 

We don't do brains around here.

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