Moontanman Posted December 18, 2008 Report Posted December 18, 2008 You're An EXTREME Redneck when..... 1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is 'out of your league' bowls on a different night. 5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey guys, watch this.' 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 9. Your junior prom offered day care. 10. You think the last words of the 'Star-Spangled Banner' are: 'Gentlemen, start your engines.' 11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge 14. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it 17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. BONUS COMMENT An East Texas couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'. The doctor asked them why, after 9 children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that 1 out of every 10 children being born in North America was Mexican, and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish. Quote
Moontanman Posted December 20, 2008 Report Posted December 20, 2008 puns 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France could result in Linoleum Blownapart. 9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. A hole was found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.' 14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.' 17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. 19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 21. A backward poet writes inverse. 22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects! freeztar 1 Quote
paigetheoracle Posted December 20, 2008 Report Posted December 20, 2008 Moontan are you sure these aren't just Moon Shine jokes? Gad I could have written these, sadly as you'll see when I download my festive treats to this thread Flintstone! (That's the first) Quote
paigetheoracle Posted December 22, 2008 Report Posted December 22, 2008 Robert Mugabe: 'Zimbabwe belongs to me!'4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse: 'On the contrary, thanks to you, it belongs to us now' "Remind me not to go to the miners drop in centre ever again!""Why?""I fell down the shaft and broke both my legs" A streaker runs onto the football pitch, before finally being brought down by the goalkeeper's from bot sides. The headline in the following days paper read 'Streaker grabbed by the goalies' Why did the locals desert the pub in droves, when the pig farmers came into town? Because nobody likes Ham Chewers night. The kings son was upset at the thought of the previous kingdom's before theirs destruction. 'Sadly son' said his father 'into each life some reigns must fall' Why did the policeman with the bad heart fail to leave the hospital?Because he arrested on the way out. 'Do you think I'm homosexual?''What makes you ask?''I love Jack Daniels and am very fond of Johnny Walker' Frankenstein liked laying his wife's head on his shoulders but the rest of her he just left in the fridge. Why are anteaters very healthy?Because they only eat the freshest new, tree ants. When George Bush moved from the AA to the Church, did he become a BAA? (a born again *******). Book title 'You just can't win' by Noah Vale Definition: Odd - creator of a new fashion Normal - follower of fashion Obituaries for actor who starred in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy Andy says goodbye to the Serkis Gollum but not forgotten I used to think aperitif was another name for dentures until I tried Smirnoff. What do you get if you cross an Australian marsupial with a tragic Greek king?Platypus Rex. Quote
Moontanman Posted December 22, 2008 Report Posted December 22, 2008 Dad at the Mall I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. 'Got drunk once in Hong Kong and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.' Quote
Moontanman Posted December 22, 2008 Report Posted December 22, 2008 WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL??? Try it without looking at the answers...... 1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9 2) Multiply by 3 then 3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator....) 4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number.... 5) Add the digits together Now Scroll down .............. Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below: 1. Einstein 2. Mother Teresa 3. Ronald Reagan 4. Helen Keller 5. Bill Gates 6. Gandhi 7. George Washington 8. Thomas Edison 9. Moontanman10. Abraham Lincoln I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be like me.... :-) Believe it! P.S.: Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol, just deal with it!!!! Quote
paigetheoracle Posted December 23, 2008 Report Posted December 23, 2008 WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL??? Try it without looking at the answers...... 1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9 2) Multiply by 3 then 3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator....) 4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number.... 5) Add the digits together Now Scroll down .............. Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below: 1. Einstein 2. Mother Teresa 3. Ronald Reagan 4. Helen Keller 5. Bill Gates 6. Gandhi 7. George Washington 8. Thomas Edison 9. Moontanman10. Abraham Lincoln I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be like me.... :-) Believe it! P.S.: Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol, just deal with it!!!! Is your real name Derren Brown? If so I claim my $5 reward! Quote
Thunderbird Posted December 26, 2008 Report Posted December 26, 2008 The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists... Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair." Michaelangelica 1 Quote
Michaelangelica Posted December 28, 2008 Report Posted December 28, 2008 Dad at the Mall'Got drunk once in Hong Kong and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'LOLOLOL:hyper:;)Old age and. . er something beats youth and . . er. .something?? Quote
Thunderbird Posted January 5, 2009 Report Posted January 5, 2009 U.S. President George W. Bush to be Tried on 1.2 Million Counts of Murder Embattled U.S. President George W. Bush may turn out to be the biggest mass murderer in the history of the world as a U.S. District Grand Jury has voted to try him for the unnecessary slaughter of 1.2 million Iraqi and American people. Not only was the president indicted on 1.2 million counts of murder, he was also indicted on causing injury to over 12 million people, causing $120 billion in property damage, looting billion of dollars in oil from overseas, wiretapping 37 million American homes, kidnapping and enslaving countless innocent people at Guantanamo, destroying the U.S. Economy, 700 counts of lying to Congress and three hundred thousand counts of currency counterfeiting. Bush is being held on $1.6 trillion bail. If convicted on all counts Bush faces up to 73 million years in prison. "But we might let him go after 26 million years with good behavior", said U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton. A Grand Jury member explained that if Bush had engaged in provoked warfare then there would be no need for these indictments. However, Bush attacked a country that presented no threat to the United States after lying to Congress. This meets all the criteria for murder. Prosecutors feel confident they can obtain a conviction as they have well over 3 million pieces of evidence, over 3,000 hours of video and audio recordings, eyewitness testimony of 280 million people and "a veritable island's worth" of forensic and DNA evidence. "We probably won't call all the witnesses", Walton said. "We will only call 2 or 3 thousand key players to the stand". Bush claims he had no knowledge of anything and blamed everything on Vice President Dick Cheney. Bush's defense team says they need at least 100 years to gather enough evidence to present a case in court and request that Bush be released on personal recognizance until that time. Judge Walton denied the request. "We need that $1.6 trillion bail money to bail out the automakers", Walton declared. Quote
Moontanman Posted January 5, 2009 Report Posted January 5, 2009 They say..... THE COUNTRY of TEXAS In case things get a little tough after Jan... Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union. (Reference the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.) We Texans love y'all, but we'll probably have to take action since Barack Obama won the election. We'll miss you too. Here is what can happen: 1: Barack Hussein Obama becomes President of the United States, and Texas immediately secedes from the Union. 2: George W. Bush will become the President of the Republic of Texas. You might not think that he talks too pretty, but we haven't had another terrorist attack, and the economy was fine until the effects of the Democrats lowering the qualifications for home loans came to roost. So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic? 1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. We will control the space industry. 2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States. 3. Defense Industry--we have over 65% of it. The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning. 4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. What will the other states do? Gee, we don't know. Why not ask Obama? 5. Natural Gas - again we have all we need and it's too bad about those Northern States. John Kerry and Al Gore will have to figure out a way to keep them warm.... 6. Computer Industry - we lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications equipment -small companies like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Miconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Norte l, Alcatel, etc, etc. The list goes on and on. 7. Medical Care - We have the research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world, as well as other large health centers. The Houston Medical Center alone employs over 65,000 people. 8. We have enough colleges to keep us getting smarter: University of Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Texas Christian, Rice, SMU, University of Dallas, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT (University of North Texas), Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the South anyway. 9. We have an intelligent and energetic work force, and it isn't restricted by a bunch of unions. Here in Texas, it's a Right to Work State and, therefore, it's every man and women for themselves. We just go out and get the job done. And if we don't like the way one company operates, we get a job somewhere else. 10. We have essential control of the paper, plastics, and insurance industries, etc. 11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard, the Texas Air National Guard, and several military bases. We don't have an Army, but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an Army in 24 hours if we need one. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call the Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over the Texas Rangers. 12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables, and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. Also, everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food. 13. Three of the ten largest citi es in the United States, and twe nty-three of the 100 largest cities in the United States, are located in Texas. And Texas also has more land than California, New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Maryland, Rhode Island and Vermont combined. 14. Trade: Three of the ten largest ports in the United States are located in Texas. 15. We also manufacture cars down here, but we don't need to. You see, nothing rusts in Texas, so our vehicles stay beautiful and run well for decades. This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have. Now to the rest of the United States under President Obama: Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Obama will be able to drive around in his big 9 mpg SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes. You won't have any TV a s the Space Center in Houston will cut off satellite communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Obama has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas as long as you survive the 2000 years it will take to get enough heat from Global Warming. So, in other words, go screw yourselves. Oh, that's right. You already have! Signed, The People of Texas P.S. This is not a threatening letter - just a note to give you;something to think about! SLEEP WELL TONIGHT... THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU!! Quote
paigetheoracle Posted January 8, 2009 Report Posted January 8, 2009 One sunny day in early 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he had been sitting on a park bench. He said to the Marine guard at the gate 'I would like to go in and meet President Bush please.' The Marine looked at the old timer and said, 'Sir, Mr Bush is no longer President, so he no longer resides here.' The old man said 'okay' and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and asked the same Marine: 'Could I go in and see President Bush?' The Marine replied: 'Sir, as I told you yesterday, Mr Bush is no longer President, so he isn't here any more.' The man thanked him again and walked away. On the third day, the elderly man repeated the performance and the same Marine looked somewhat agitated as he explained to him, loudly and clearly: 'Look, Sir, this is the third day in a row that you have come here asking to speak to Mr Bush, and this is the third day in a row that I have had to tell you that Mr Bush is no longer President and no longer lives here. Can't you understand that?' 'Oh, I understand all right,' the man said. 'I just love hearing it.' The Marine snapped to attention, saluted and said: 'See you tomorrow, Sir.' Quote
Moontanman Posted January 13, 2009 Report Posted January 13, 2009 Top four jokes of 08 Fourth Place : A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.' -------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------- Third Place : One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?' -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------- Runner Up: Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?' 'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. 'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My God, Bill, what happened?' 'I got fired.' 'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too.' -------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------- Winner: A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' 'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.' 'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.' Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. 'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.' 'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal__________________ Quote
belovelife Posted January 14, 2009 Report Posted January 14, 2009 They say..... THE COUNTRY of TEXAS In case things get a little tough after Jan... Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union. (Reference the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.) We Texans love y'all, but we'll probably have to take action since Barack Obama won the election. We'll miss you too. Here is what can happen: 1: Barack Hussein Obama becomes President of the United States, and Texas immediately secedes from the Union. 2: George W. Bush will become the President of the Republic of Texas. You might not think that he talks too pretty, but we haven't had another terrorist attack, and the economy was fine until the effects of the Democrats lowering the qualifications for home loans came to roost. So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic? 1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. We will control the space industry. 2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States. 3. Defense Industry--we have over 65% of it. The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning. 4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. What will the other states do? Gee, we don't know. Why not ask Obama? 5. Natural Gas - again we have all we need and it's too bad about those Northern States. John Kerry and Al Gore will have to figure out a way to keep them warm.... 6. Computer Industry - we lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications equipment -small companies like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Miconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Norte l, Alcatel, etc, etc. The list goes on and on. 7. Medical Care - We have the research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world, as well as other large health centers. The Houston Medical Center alone employs over 65,000 people. 8. We have enough colleges to keep us getting smarter: University of Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Texas Christian, Rice, SMU, University of Dallas, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT (University of North Texas), Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the South anyway. 9. We have an intelligent and energetic work force, and it isn't restricted by a bunch of unions. Here in Texas, it's a Right to Work State and, therefore, it's every man and women for themselves. We just go out and get the job done. And if we don't like the way one company operates, we get a job somewhere else. 10. We have essential control of the paper, plastics, and insurance industries, etc. 11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard, the Texas Air National Guard, and several military bases. We don't have an Army, but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an Army in 24 hours if we need one. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call the Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over the Texas Rangers. 12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables, and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. Also, everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food. 13. Three of the ten largest citi es in the United States, and twe nty-three of the 100 largest cities in the United States, are located in Texas. And Texas also has more land than California, New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Maryland, Rhode Island and Vermont combined. 14. Trade: Three of the ten largest ports in the United States are located in Texas. 15. We also manufacture cars down here, but we don't need to. You see, nothing rusts in Texas, so our vehicles stay beautiful and run well for decades. This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have. Now to the rest of the United States under President Obama: Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Obama will be able to drive around in his big 9 mpg SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes. You won't have any TV a s the Space Center in Houston will cut off satellite communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Obama has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas as long as you survive the 2000 years it will take to get enough heat from Global Warming. So, in other words, go screw yourselves. Oh, that's right. You already have! Signed, The People of Texas P.S. This is not a threatening letter - just a note to give you;something to think about! SLEEP WELL TONIGHT... THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU!! hey i was born at texs tecki wonder if i would have duel citzenship?;) Quote
Moontanman Posted January 14, 2009 Report Posted January 14, 2009 wanna buy a monkey Once upon a time a man appeared in a small village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each." The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys! Now you have a better understanding of how these so called BAILOUT plans will work as well. Quote
Michaelangelica Posted January 14, 2009 Report Posted January 14, 2009 Top four jokes of 08 Fourth Place : A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.' -------------------------------------------------------------------------- LOL:hyper::rolleyes:I need this thread!! See similar joke I posted on"Alzheimer's Why" thread. Quote
Moontanman Posted January 15, 2009 Report Posted January 15, 2009 'Millionaire' Contestant Makes Worst Use Of Lifelines Ever NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.' It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.'After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?' A) A Peanut An ElephantC) The MoonD) Hey, who you calling large? Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer.'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.'Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans. 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.'Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.'Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.'Come on Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't be it.'To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice and pick 'The Moon.''I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see... For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer.'Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'Caution...they walk among us! Quote
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