Death

[ashlea]

ive never spoke to anyone about this as it makes me feel like a freak and i dont want to be labled as abnormal . however im not affected by death as others are. ive had people i know die and yet have felt no greif for their loss although i miss them, its more like they've just moved away or something. ive tried to think of many reasons why this might be yet i come up with no answers. sometimes i think that it might have something to do with the fact that i drowned when i was young yet every time i do i think im just being stupid. does anybody have any thoughts as to why im so diffrent? i no that there are stages of greif that everybody is supposed to go through yet for some reason i dont go through them, it makes me scared as i know that suppressed guilt is meant to be unhealthy.

[JerryB]

im not affected by death as others are. . ive had people i know die and yet have felt no greif for their loss . . . does anybody have any thoughts as to why im so diffrent?

 

ashlea I think you may be assuming too much to say you aren't affected

by death as others are. You may be thinking that because they cry and

show their grief more than you do they must be feeling more grief than

you. It's possible that they just feel a need to display their grief more.

 

Frankly, I've always been suspicious of people who are extremely

emotional at funerals. It may sound terribly cynical but I remember

some funerals in my family where the people who cried the most

were the people who had treated the dead person worst. I had the

feeling that they were crying out of guilt. Not all people do that but

some seem to. Also some people are better able to control their

feelings than others. So I don't think you should judge by

appearances. I don't think you should judge at all.

[JerryB]

sometimes i think that it might have something to do with the fact that i drowned when i was young

One or two more thoughts on this matter. I've heard about

the experience of drowning, I think from a person who had

the experience personally but I'm not sure. Anyway I've heard

that a great feeling of serenity takes over. I guess that's what

you were referring to. The feeling that death is kind of a serene

feeling so you needn't feel sad for someone who dies.

 

That reminded me of something I realized many years ago about

death. I was a bit shocked because what I realized was perfectly

obvious but I had never really thought about it much. People who

cry at funerals or mourn after them are crying for themselves, for

their own sense of loss.

 

I guess I was naive as a child and maybe others didn't feel the need

to make a distinction between the 2 types of grief, but at first I thought

that people were crying because they felt sorry for someone who had

died. I don't know if I'm making that distinction clear. I guess what I'm

saying is that the reason for their tears was more selfish than I had

realized previously.

.

[justforfun]

Im not affected by death as others in my family are. I go into a kind of shock but don't respond emotionally. I like to think its because I don't believe we die, just our bodies. We are more than just our bodies. Because I can cry like a baby for a corny movie or book. But who knows?

[ashlea]

I don't believe we die, just our bodies.

 

I have similar thoughts on that topic i like to believe that after death we go on. Personally though i dont like the idea of the Christian after life as they say it is perfect, yet how can something be perfect without imperfection? I like the idea of reincarnation as you can continually go on learning things in different forms.

Favorite quote: "Life is a lesson, earth is the classroom."

Yet when you say our bodies die this isn't necessarily true as they will decompose and become part of another living organism such as a tree.

[sanctus]

JerryB, this distinction you make between crying in a selfish way otr not just isn't there, whenever one cries you do it because you feel the loss, because it makes you feel better. I mean, what does it mean to cry for somebody?

[Turtle]

___I have been both tearfully grief stricken at peoples' deaths, as well as emotionally flat tinged with guilt. It bothers me either way.

___I have been poisoned nearly to death by nuts numerous times beginning when I was 2 & I don't know if that affects my view of death of others or not but I live in constant fear of dying that way myself (anaphalaxis).

___That you reflect on your emotional state & behavior on the occassion of a particular person's passing honors them well enough. ;)

[Fishteacher73]

JerryB, this distinction you make between crying in a selfish way otr not just isn't there, whenever one cries you do it because you feel the loss, because it makes you feel better. I mean, what does it mean to cry for somebody?

 

 

There are some that use the misfortune of others as a proxy to establish sympathy for themselves (Munchausen biproxy (sp?)) for example). Granted this is an extreme example, but I feel that some do use the chance to bemoan how sad they are to gain sympathy (without actually causing the tragedy themselves as in the example).

[sanctus]

Yes, but isn't what I meant. I wanted to say that crying is always selfish and not only when people do it to gain sympathy. Simply because you cry because YOU feel the need to.

[Queso]

i heard somewhere that if a human were alone, with nobody around, and the human knew it, (like the desert, not your bedroom) AND this human was face with something that would normally make him/her cry, they wouldn't. i don't know who told me this, but they said that crying is always ALWAYS about attention. i don't know if i believe it, but i'm wondering if any of you have heard this?

[pgrmdave]

I've cried without anybody seeing, honestly, I prefer it when nobody sees. I don't have any sources right now, but I've heard that crying can boost one's mood, that the smell of tears and the act of crying calm the crier down.

[Queso]

yeah i totally agree with you, and know exactly what you're talking about. that's why i don't really believe it.

[Dark Mind]

ive never spoke to anyone about this as it makes me feel like a freak and i dont want to be labled as abnormal . however im not affected by death as others are. ive had people i know die and yet have felt no greif for their loss although i miss them, its more like they've just moved away or something. ive tried to think of many reasons why this might be yet i come up with no answers. sometimes i think that it might have something to do with the fact that i drowned when i was young yet every time i do i think im just being stupid. does anybody have any thoughts as to why im so diffrent? i no that there are stages of greif that everybody is supposed to go through yet for some reason i dont go through them, it makes me scared as i know that suppressed guilt is meant to be unhealthy.

So, what we're trying to say is, your not weird at all, you just have a different way of dealing with grief. Just because you aren't conforming to how society expects you to respond to the death of a loved one does not in any way make you weird (It's the people that walk down the streets wearing tight black pants, black fishnet shirts, and died, black, spiked hair that are weird:)). You should deal with your loss in whatever way makes you feel best and not concern yourself with your physical reflection of what's going on inside, other people don't need to see that you're feeling bad in order for you to feel bad, and they don't need to see that you are grieving in order for you to be grieving.

 

Bottom line- Don't concern yourself with how others perceive your emotions, as long as you know they are there and that you dealing with them that should be good enough.;)

[Queso]

Bottom line- Don't concern yourself with how others perceive your emotions, as long as you know they are there and that you dealing with them that should be good enough.

this is probably not valid if you have gun to your head. one wrong emotion and your head is going to be all over the wall.

[Dark Mind]

One wrong emotion... translated into action...

 

I think it is fairly valid :).

[insight]

Bottom line- Don't concern yourself with how others perceive your emotions, as long as you know they are there and that you dealing with them that should be good enough.

 

man is still wrapped in ignorance. if he's ignored, he wants to cry. dissipation of ignorance can be attained by cultivating and realising himself. i think we should truly understand our status first than others. after we know ourselves, we can know others.