A Topic On My Book "master Philosophy - Master Your Environment - Master Yourself 2.0"

[arkain101]

The information about this book was deleted from this post because it is no longer an active project.

Edited August 14, 2020 by arkain101

[lawcat]

I'll critique a few things:

 

Let's start with preface title:

 

What if you had more control and influences of the quality of your life?

 

Preface should not have a title. But if you are going to give a title, it should be the ultimate synopsis of the book or the title of the book. The title of the preface is also weak because it asks something that everyone knows an answer to and you do not, so why would you dare write about it? ( I did not yet read the whole thing, but if the goal of the book is to present what some other people have done who had control over and influence on the quality of their life, then I suppose that title is OK. However that does not seem to be the case because you said :"provides insight as to the area's of our lives that modify our condition.")

 

 

Then let's talk about the first sentence:

 

This book focuses on the principle that we all live in different environments

 

The first sentence should tell the reader what the book is about, not the supporting argument. It's no good to present argument to the reader when he does not know what you're talking about. So you should start with: "This book provides insights to the areas of our lives that modify our condition."

 

This is better, but still a bit vague and undefined. And that's OK if you immediatelly after start defining terms, otherwise you will lose the reader. (I don't know what condition you are talking about and whether condition means some preexisting condition or the present state or some conditional state.)

 

Preface can be structural, a roadmap to the book structurally, what chapter 1 talks about, chapter 2, and so on. It can also be a substantive roadmap, that lays out the goal of the book, the facts, ideas, conclusions, research. Roadmaps are contracts with the reader. You are promissing to deliver, and then you deliver in the book.

Preface can also be anecdotal, but it has to provide some roadmap to the reader. For example you can write about an anecdote that inspired you to write the book, but then you have to give a little roadmap about what the reader should expect.

Edited December 1, 2012 by lawcat

[arkain101]

Interesting.

 

I hope to hear more when you read it all.

Edited December 1, 2012 by arkain101

[arkain101]

The book title is a bit misleading.

 

What "Master Philosophy" means is: The common philosophy of masters.

 

Maybe that will be a title that I eventually merge into for marketing reasons.

 

As many times as people say do not judge a book by its cover, we still do it, that is why books have covers and not blank shades of grey. haha

[belovelife]

i like it so far,

[arkain101]

That is great to hear.

 

I read it again today with a refreshed mind and noticed quite a few mistakes.

 

I wrote it over night in one explosive outlet of creativity. Then, took a few days during the next weeks to try and expand and edit it.

 

I felt a sense of urgency to get it all out of my mind and connect it together and give it out to the world to stimulate the minds of people.

 

I couldn't help but understand how well this all aligns with the Venus Project, headed by Jacque Fresco.

[arkain101]

i like it so far,

 

have you finished it?

[Eclogite]

Hmm. I thought I had posted a response here several days ago - operator error I guess.

 

I would be happy to offer a crtique of your work, however I must first ask are you truly serious about wanting that? I need to warn you that my crtique will be highly critical of both content and form. If you do not wish to hear unpleasant assessments I shall remain silent. It's your choice.

[arkain101]

Feel free to provide you're opinion, from you're point of view.

 

The book is aimed at a specific audience though. That is, people whom struggle through life and are looking for insight in a way that is easy to understand.

 

I don't stand by it as any sort of master piece. I wrote the thing over a total of four 8 hour sessions.

[arkain101]

If it provokes thought and discussion then I am glad.

*Edit Update*

Due to the book being a work in progress at the time.

Edited August 14, 2020 by arkain101

[Eclogite]

The book is aimed at a specific audience though. That is, people whom struggle through life and are looking for insight in a way that is easy to understand.

Some points on format:

 

It looks like a draft. Recall the words of Marshall McCluhan - The medium is the message. Your medium, your format, says your message is unimportant. Specifically:

 

1) Lose the double spacing.

2) Right justify your text.

3) Add page numbers.

 

I suspect that some of your longer paragraphs would benefit from splitting, but I need to see the document in revised format, as suggested above, to be sure.

 

 

There are many annoying examples of sloppiness in your writing style. Here are some examples:

 

Chapter 4, 2nd Page, Paragraph 2. Unlike the use of numbers at the start of this line your phrase "the same thing 10 times", should read "the same thing ten times".

 

Same paragraph, next sentence: "By the time we do, we can be so frustrated about it that we totally over react and in result can possibly create a new problem." The emboldened words use incorrect grammar. They should be replaced by "as a result we".

 

Next paragraph, you say: "Temporarily clearing worries out of the way can help us get more out of our time in a learning process." At best clumsy, at worst incorrect. Replace "get" with "spend", or better still, "invest".

 

Same paragraph, you say: "I think is important to make a remind that this isn’t a permanent change..." Perhaps the phrase "make a remind" has some currency in some part of the world, but it has no place in what purports to be an important piece of writing.

 

Same paragraph, you say: "I have once put all the chair in my house in storage....". Grammar! "I once put all the chairs in my house in storage" would be correct.

 

 

There are five examples of sloppy writing within a couple of paragraphs of a page chosen at random. Consider the consequences of that sloppiness:

 

1) These errors make it more difficult for your reader to understand what you wish to say and thus they defeat your goal of offering something that is easy to understand.

2) If you are unable to master the simple words on a sheet of paper, why should your reader believe you can help them master their environment and themselves?

 

These are not trivial points arkain and I hope you will not treat them trivially. Trying to defend those errors would be an example of trivialising them.

 

In my next post, possibly not made until after the holiday period, I shall tackle the content of your writing rather than its form.

 

[arkain101]

Yeah thats what I was thinking lol.. people would just love to hop on the irony train about this book and it's the errors.

 

But thats exactly what it is. A rough draft. A summary. A test drive.

 

Thanks for your input.

[Eclogite]

Yeah thats what I was thinking lol.. people would just love to hop on the irony train about this book and it's the errors.

I don't appreciate that remark. I have not hopped on any irony train. I have used my professional skills relating to engineering report writing to begin a critique you should find useful. You asked for comments. I warned you mine would be highly critical. Please do not respond with the implication that this was a casual critique on my part. At $200 an hour you've got at least $75 worth of analysis there. For free.

 

But thats exactly what it is. A rough draft. A summary. A test drive.

Yet you are charging people money to buy it. Do you feel it is ethical to charge for something that is in such a provisional format?

[arkain101]

I wasnt refering to you eclogite, when I said people jumping on the irony train. Relax bro. I was agreeing with you and making a joke. The title can be misinterpreted.

 

I appreciated the critique! :D

 

I really didn't consider your critique harsh or negative in anyway. It is going to touch everyone differntly, therefore there will always be different responses. I expect that.

 

The application of the knowledge in the book cured many of my chronic health conditions (they were many). I no longer need any medication and feel great.

 

 

I haven't really sold any copies. I just wanted it copy right protected and receive feedback. It has taken me my lifetime to come to this point where I could connect all these theories and experiences under one theme. That is why I felt that in ebook form people would find it an acceptable expense. Nothing comes free in this world.

 

My life had incredible challenges. Many life threatening and I managed to turn it all around simply through the methods included in the book.

 

Peace.

Edited December 21, 2012 by arkain101

[arkain101]

I don't appreciate that remark. I have not hopped on any irony train. I have used my professional skills relating to engineering report writing to begin a critique you should find useful. You asked for comments. I warned you mine would be highly critical. Please do not respond with the implication that this was a casual critique on my part. At $200 an hour you've got at least $75 worth of analysis there. For free.

 

 

Yet you are charging people money to buy it. Do you feel it is ethical to charge for something that is in such a provisional format?

 

You make me laugh! Oh boy. Dear sir, you volunteered. I am grateful, that is good enough in my books.

 

I am aware of those mistakes in the writing. I was just too busy to do anything about it. Like I said I just wrote the book on a whim with my eyes closed one night. From there I've just been making it a bit more readable.

 

There are more corrections to be made.

 

I am sensing that you are somehow making this about yourself, when it should be neither. The focus should be on the content of the book and the experience you had while going through it.

 

A lot of people see the book and incorrectly assume I am claiming to have some form of ultimate mastery. Mastery can be found anywhere, anyway. Once one knows the why and the how they go about doing what they do, I think that is a mastery. A sense of total awareness about what is going on.

 

Knowing this, I think people can better understand people like Bruce Lee whom was trying to teach how he moves with the incredible skill that he does.

 

His martial art could not be labeled or put in a box as a series of moves. It begins with structure and restriction, but eventually it is the freedom from those boundaries that releases "the dragon" (as it was said). However, Bruce explained it well with his analogy of water and being.

 

“Empty your mind.

Be formless, shapeless, like water.

If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup.

You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle.

You put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.

Water can flow, and it can crash.

Be like water, my friend…” – Bruce Lee

 

 

 

 

This is the famous philosophy of the most famous martial artist in the world, Bruce Lee. According to him, there is no set technique, there is no fixed form or system that must be followed in combat. If the opponent expands,he contracts. If the opponent contracts, he expands.

 

 

 

This is Mastery explained in his words.

 

To the untrained eye and ear, it sounds like nonsense. But it is much deeper and may take some people quite a long time in order to comprehend it fully.

 

One must know themselves so honestly that they are no longer restricted and unfold through time as effortless as the universe itself. Being one with now.

Edited December 21, 2012 by arkain101

[arkain101]

Months after this book project was launched it was soon discontinued after further review. The book was never published since it was only in the theoretical stage and shared for reviews for getting feedback for further development however, the result of that was that the book required to be rewritten to be publishable, yet as said it was discontinued and hasn't been pursued as of this date.

Edited August 14, 2020 by arkain101