New Version Of Old Holiday Tale

[SaxonViolence]

Friends,

 

I first came across this on a Newsletter at Purdue in 1976.

 

Perhaps it was written by someone at Purdue.

 

I found it on an Archive of old Pre-Interney "Bulletin Board" posts.

 

Enjoy:

 

TWAS THE NOCTURNAL SEGMENT OF THE DIURNAL PERIOD

 

Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual

yuletide celebration. And throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity

was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that

species of domestic rodent known as mus musclus. Hosiery was meticulously

suspended from the forward edge of the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant

to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an eminent visitation from an eccentric

philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St.

Nicholas.

 

 

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective

accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations

of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums.

My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about

to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous

exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance

that I felt compelled to arise with alactrity from my place of repose for the

purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.

 

 

Fastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this

fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as

it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to

rival that of the solar merdidan itself; thus permitting my incredulous optical

sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by

eight diminutive specimens of the genus ragifer. Piloted by a minuscule aged

chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that

he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power traveling

at what may have been more vertigiuous velocity than patriotionalar predators,

he vodiferated loudly, exuelled breath musically through contracted lasia, and

addressed each of the octet by his or her respected cognonen; Now Dasher, now

Dancer, et al. Guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode,

through which structured could readily distinguish the concatenations of each

of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

 

 

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a

180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved, with utmost celerity in

animal pelts soiled by the ebon residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels

which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor

I attributed largely to the planthora of assorted playthings which he bore

exorsally in commodious cloth receptacle.

 

 

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary

dermal indentations gave every evidence of exgaging amiability. The

capillaries of his molar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with

blood which suffused the suboutaneous layers, the former approximating the

coloration of albion's floral embelem, the latter that of the prunus avium, or

sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and superalabials resembled nothing so much as

a common loop knot, and their amdent hirscule facial adornment appeared like

small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

 

 

Clenched firmly between his incisors was smokingpiece whose gray fumes,

forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative

seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he

waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner

of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was a short,

neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical

perception of whom rendered me visible frolicsome despite every effort to

refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and

rotating his head slightly to one side he indicated that trepidation on my part

was groundless.

 

 

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned

hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted

from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon

completion of his task, he executed an abrupt aboutface, placed a singular

manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his

cranium forward in a gesture of leave taking, and forthwith effected his egress

by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in

a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through

his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds among the seed-bearing

portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible

immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility:

 

 

ESTATIC YULETIDE TO THE PLANETARY CONSTITUENCY, AND TO THAT SELFSAME

ASSEMBLAGE, MY SINCEREST WISHES FOR A SALUBRIOUSLY BENEFICIAL AND GRATIFYINGLY

PLEASURABLE PERIOD BETWEEN SUNSET AND DAWN.

 

 

Saxon Violence