Scientific Euphemisms For Common Body Dysmorphisms (Perceived)

[petrushkagoogol]

Science can turn potentially depressing conditions (body dysmorphisms) into less vitriolic statements, and let off some steam.

1. I am dark-skinned - I have a coating for better thermal sensitivity
   
2. I have a bald patch - There are some locations on my scalp where the density of hair-follicles is zero
   
3. I have a big nose - My olfactory organ is disproportionately augmented
   
4. I have big ears - My auditory lobes are optimized for better heat dissipation
   
5. I have flat feet - My distal extremities have lower strata of adipose tissue to ensure higher coefficient of friction.
   

Which is best according to you ?