Favorite Quotes

[Turtle]

a person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. ~ henry ward beecher

[lemit]

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

 

--Robert Benchley

[lemit]

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

 

--Robert Benchley

[lemit]

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

 

--George Carlin

[lemit]

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

 

--George Carlin

[lemit]

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

 

--Stephen Leacock

[lemit]

A sportsman is a man who, every now and then, simply has to go out and kill something.

 

--Stephen Leacock

[Turtle]

the surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. ~ robert benchley

[lemit]

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

 

--Dave Barry

[lemit]

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

 

--Steven Wright

[lemit]

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

 

--Steven Wright

[lemit]

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

 

--Steven Wright

[Turtle]

the problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. ~ william butler yeats

[lemit]

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

 

--Steven Wright

[lemit]

Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation.

 

--James Thurber

[lemit]

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

 

--Mark Twain

[lemit]

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

 

--Mark Twain