Bumpersticker Wisdom

[Turtle]

Back Off! :phones:

[Rincewind]

This one was on a t-shirt, but would work on a bumper sticker:

 

Men are from Earth,

Women are from Earth;

Deal with it.

[freeztar]

 

I saw some good shirts recently:

"My sister number 6 prostitute in all of Kazakstan"

"24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day, coincidence?"

"I'm shy, but I like blowjobs" :eek:

 

And I just found a gag site with tons of good stickers, here's a few of my faves:

"PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals"

"I'm sick of all the BUSHIT!"

"It takes a lot of balls to golf like I do"

"If God didn't want us to eat animals, then he wouldn't have made 'em out of meat"

"Jesus love you, everybody else thinks you're an a-hole"

"Can't Feed 'em? Don't breed 'em"

"I'm not losing hair, I'm getting head"

"Guns don't kill people, drivers with cellphones do"

"If I wanted to hear from an *******, I'd fart"

"If the screams from my trunk bother you, turn up the radio"

"I'm retired, go around me"

"How fast was I going officer...obviously not fast enough"

"Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after"

"Are you drunk, or just on your cellphone?"

"Could you be any more up my arse?"

"Will not dance when sober"

"Even though this is a stupid sticker, you're squinting to read it"

"Your kid is an honor student, but you're a moron"

"If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it"

"Do not wash! This vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test" :(

"If I gave a shite, you'd be the first to get it"

"If it's petty, don't sweat it and if it's sweaty, don't pet it"

"If you byte my floppy, my harddrive will download"

"Sex isn't dirty, unless you do it right"

"Officer, will this sticker saying "support law enforcement" keep you from giving me a ticket?"

"Why do women fake orgasms? Because men fake foreplay"

"Better late than pregnant"

"C'mon, give me the finger like you mean it"

"It's nice out...I think I'll keep it out"

"If mean people suck, be mean to me"

"Kinky is using a feather, perverted is using the whole chicken"

"Sex is like pizza, when it's good it is REALLY good, and when it's bad, it's still pretty good"

"Politicians and diapers need to be changed for the same reasons"

"I brake for...Oh ****, no brakes!"

"Macho enough to admit I'm pussywhipped"

"Why'd the pervert cross the road? That's where the chicken went."

"Too many minutes, not enough secs"

"Porn! It's cheaper than dating"

"Don't rush me, I get paid by the hour"

"Yes this is my truck, no I won't help you move"

"Drugs lead nowhere, but it's the scenic route"

"You can't spell crap without rap"

"I got kicked out of Cub Scouts for eating a Brownie"

"The Earth's full, go home"

"Condoms are easier to change than diapers"

"Where the hell is Easy Street?"

"The closer you get, the slower I go"

"Who's the president? The answer is a no-brainer"

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, puke and you're on your own"

"I love God, it's his fans I can't stand"

"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog"

"333, I'm a devil doing a half-assed job"

"Your body is a temple, mine's an amusement park"

"Let's face it, your only hope is the lottery"

"Booze destroys brain cells, but I'm too smart anyway"

"Women want me, fish fear me"

"What if the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about?" :lol:

"Just cause you have one doesn't mean you have to be one"

"Grow your own dope, plant a bush"

"My wife keeps saying I never listen to her...or something like that"

"It's called Tourist Season, so why can't we shoot them?"

"Retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today"

"Attention Employees! The beatings will continue until morale improves."

"Caution! Bumper falls off!"

"Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off"

"I do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do"

"I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?"

"My other wife is a hummer"

"Sometimes, when I'm alone, I google myself"

"I would do me"

 

Ok, a bit more than a few... :D

[Qfwfq]

Excellent ski resort that, at 8 m altitude and with such abundantly snow covered slopes!!! :D

[paigetheoracle]

George Bush is a more honest politician than most (Made that up myself)

 

If you're close enough to read this I take it you're after a tow?

 

Please move back - you're steaming up my windows

 

Either move back or turn your bloody radio off!

 

J Edgar Hoover sucks!

[paigetheoracle]

FOUND GOD?

If no one claims him in 30 days,

He's YOURS!

 

Love it - I'll take two!:D

[paigetheoracle]

 

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

 

.

 

I'm straining - now say "Can I go to the bathroom, miss"

[paigetheoracle]

I haven't had my coffee yet

Don't make me kill you!

 

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

 

.............Work Harder

Millions on welfare depend on you.

 

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

 

The voices in my head don't like you.

 

If I throw a stick will you leave?

 

I tried to see your point of view but

I couldn't get my head that far up my ***.

 

 

Nice collection - especially liked the coffee rage (Me first thing in the morning) - I also get angry when I walk into where the car is stored Ga-rage!

By the way it's me your working those long hours for, while I sit here all day on the computer, writing senseless crap like this (Well, what else doyou pay me for?)

[paigetheoracle]

Wipe your mouth.

There's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.

 

 

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable,

Like a coma

 

 

I don't know what your problem is,

but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

 

You should be a comedy writer with that collection! :D

George Bush for President! (Oh he is? And I thought it was just a dream caused by a drunken dram about drunk who doesn't give a damn: Silly me! (or is it him? (or even America for voting for him?): Don't get me started I've only just come off the medication.

[Turtle]

MYOB

[Buffy]

One I've always wanted but never seen:

 

"In a hurry? That's not my problem!"

 

Tailgaters will be shot, :P

Buffy

[TheBigDog]

Honk if your horn is broken

[Buffy]

I just bought a Seagate hard disk this week, and when I lifted the lid it had printed on it:

 

Honk if you love internal hard disk drives.

 

and since they have to sell it in Canada, it also said:

 

Clacksonner si vous adorez disque dur interne.

 

Mai oui, :P

Buffy

[Rincewind]

MYOB

 

Couldn't use that one in Australia -- that's the registered name of a piece of accounting software! :P

[Rincewind]

One I've never seen, but always wanted, is a pair of stickers -- On the right-hand side of the bumper OVERTAKERS' SIDE, and on the left-hand side, UNDERTAKER'S SIDE.

 

Reverse as appropriate for your country. :P

[Pyrotex]

"What Would John Wayne Do?"

 

comic rip-off of the "What Would Jesus Do?" stickers.

[Boerseun]

"What Would John Wayne Do?"

 

comic rip-off of the "What Would Jesus Do?" stickers.

"What would Scooby Doo?"