Goldilocks

[ughaibu]

There are some problems with the story of Goldilocks that I think can be dealt with if the bears are polar bears.

1) As there are no other humans and no mirrors in the story, one wonders why the name 'Goldilocks', the only association with hair colour available is the colour of the hair of the bears. The inclusion of 'locks' in the name also differentiates the colour of her hair from her general colour. A polar bear has black skin and can be considered mathematically black if one follows the sources claiming that a polar bear's hair is colourless (some sources say colourless, some say a coloured layer and a colourless layer, some say all coloured). On it's own this isn't compelling as the colour of shorn bears of other species may well also differ from their hair colour. However, polar bears spend the long night of Arctic winter roaming across the ice, scientists suspecting that at these times the bears were on their way to a picnic attempted to track them from spotter planes using infra red detecting cameras, unfortunately in these circumstances the bears turned out to be invisible. So, in the case of polar bears we have three interpretations, white, black and invisible, this accounts for the number of bears in the story.

2) Goldilocks appears to have considered entering the house, lounging in the chairs, helping herself to food and sleeping in the beds, all in a day's work and she appears to have been shocked to discover that the house was occupied by bears as attested to by the fact that she never returned to the house. From these observations I feel it's reasonable to conclude that houses occupied by bears were a rarity in Goldilocks' neck of the woods. However, polar bears like to stay cool so appreciate air-conditioning, full length freezers to recline in, ice for the bath, etc. These are things that need to be accomodated in a building with an electricity supply, thus that they were polar bears explains their occupancy of the house.

3) Upon arriving home the bears found evidence that would suggest their sanctum had been violated by three intruders, so by the time they discovered Goldilocks the bears would've been pretty upset. Goldilocks, on the other hand, was dreaming the deep, relaxing sleep she felt her day of house-breaking, theft and vandalism had entitled her to. She would have awoken with a sense of confusion as to her whereabouts and at that point was surrounded by three angry bears, yet according to the story she simply got up and left. This account of her escape is only satisfactory if the bears were polar bears, animals whose heat retaining capacity is so great that a 5 mph stroll has them lying on their backs, waving their legs in an attempt to cool off, in short, too lazy to bother catching a fleeing Goldilocks.

4) Why were the bears not at home when there was porridge prepared and served on the table? Clearly the bears wouldn't themselves have set the table to eat and then gone out. However, if they were polar bears, returning from their southerly migration, it would make sense for them to employ a cleaner to air and prepare the house, including bowls of welcoming porridge waiting ready on the table.

5) The only remaining problem (I think) is, how come the bears could speak to each other? In fact, we have no witness to the bears speaking, Goldilocks herself was asleep throughout their alledged conversations. I suggest that Goldilocks fabricated the words of the bears for dramatic effect when recounting her adventures.

[Tormod]

You have too much time on your hands. :lol:

[ughaibu]

Tormod: Thanks for the reply. As you probably know, a polar bear has time on it's paws, in order to distinguish themselves from polar bears humans have opted to spell this time as 'pause' when describing their own (in)activity.

[Tormod]

:lol: Good one.