Marriage does it work.

[Rebiu]

Feel free to correct me.

 

I believe marriage was developed in an age of practical considerations by the couples family. It was really a merger of families and the rules of marriage were designed to protect the family’s interests by compelling the couple to stay together even.

 

I the institute of Marriage in western culture still appropriate for contemporary society. If not what kind of marriage would work better.

[Rebiu]

I agree Rebiu. The old ideas of marriage have failed and that failure has left a gaping wound in western culture. Single parent families, soaring divorce rate, and children out of wedlock. The traditionalist say they want to protect the institute of marriage, but in truth it is their failure to change with the changes in society is what has turned marriage from the stable foundation of society into its greatest threat.

 

The family’s function is to raise children that are well adjusted to the culture in which they are raised. The applications of yesterday’s ideal in today’s reality has turned the family unit into the ultimate IED blowing the family into shattered dysfunctional fragments. Dad leaves and takes a subsistence job to avoid child support. Mother must forsake her coveted homemaker status to take on two or more minimum wage jobs to pay for daycare. The young males grow up without responsible male interaction scattering like cluster bomb fragments to steal, sell drugs and move on to violent crime. Daughters drift like anthrax spore on the wind when they follow mothers example of desperate promiscuity in place of love and respect to become crack addicted single mothers who give the first few damaged babies up for adoption only to sentence subsequent babies to the horrors of her single mother lifestyle so she can collect welfare, food stamps, WIC, and social security disability checks.

[Racoon]

I agree Rebiu. The old ideas of marriage have failed and that failure has left a gaping wound in western culture. Single parent families, soaring divorce rate, and children out of wedlock. The traditionalist say they want to protect the institute of marriage, but in truth it is their failure to change with the changes in society is what has turned marriage from the stable foundation of society into its greatest threat.

 

The family’s function is to raise children that are well adjusted to the culture in which they are raised. The applications of yesterday’s ideal in today’s reality has turned the family unit into the ultimate IED blowing the family into shattered dysfunctional fragments. Dad leaves and takes a subsistence job to avoid child support. Mother must forsake her coveted homemaker status to take on two or more minimum wage jobs to pay for daycare. The young males grow up without responsible male interaction scattering like cluster bomb fragments to steal, sell drugs and move on to violent crime. Daughters drift like anthrax spore on the wind when they follow mothers example of desperate promiscuity in place of love and respect to become crack addicted single mothers who give the first few damaged babies up for adoption only to sentence subsequent babies to the horrors of her single mother lifestyle so she can collect welfare, food stamps, WIC, and social security disability checks.

 

No system is Completely Perfect.

There are plenty of marriages that succeed and enrich. :evil:

 

Focus on negative and you get negative

Focus on positive and you are going to recieve positive results.

[arkain101]

People should feel obligated to educate themselves in the logistics of having a healthy relationship, behaviour explanations.. things like this.

 

So many people are clueless to the understanding of human reasoning and hidden messages.

 

I have thought that it seems to me that it would be more important to teach about life as the main subject in schools before getting to carried away with the mathamatics, and sciences etc. Soooo many people have bad footing in life and go through schooling with poor focus on there purpose there.

Its like trying to fill a bucket full of water, so many troubled families individuals go through education with holes in there bucket and leave it out in the rain to get filled.. while those fortunate well footed persons are purposely pouring water into this bucket and are very aware when it springs a leak. Society would take on great strides with great moral teaching.

[Rebiu]

Now wait just a minute there, Rebiu. Marriage is not the problem. The problem is a culture that does not stand up and defend marriage from the attacks on its sanctity. This country has move away form god at the behest of the Ddevil. Homosexuality, abortion, pornography, pedophilia, sodomy, the Internet, Moral Reletism, separation of church and state, and evolution are just a few undeniable aspects of the Ddevils work. We are headed to hell in a hand basket (only without the basket) unless we bring back family values.

Marriage is not the problem, divorce is. Lets recriminalize masturbation for starters. Back to scarlet letters and chastity belts. The death penalty for homosexual thoughts is a must.

[arkain101]

haha, Hell come on now, open your mind let in truth... Punishment for people doing and I quote the bible, "They know not what they do", and knowing that, and that humanity is not offered a forced teaching of biblical morals that a god would obviously forgive our minute little errors in the vastness of infinity.

[Racoon]

We are headed to hell in a hand basket (only without the basket) unless we bring back family values.

Marriage is not the problem, divorce is.

 

Times change; Culture changes too.

I agree with you on family values. They are important. :)

Marriage is not what it once was, because of the shifting work place.

Most divorces occur over $Money $Matters. Marriage seems less permanent than it had to be earlier on in history.

You can realize a mistake and move on :) ; as opposed to having to live in an unhappy marriage the rest of your life. :(

 

I'm sure every Marriage and Family is Happy, Healthy, and Wholesome in the East... :shrug:

[Rebiu]

The problem Rebiu as you know is that men are pigs. Men want the freedom to exploit as many women as they can without having the obligation to support them. The current legal atmosphere does not adequately control the Masculine behavior. There are no substantial financial incentives to compel a man to be faithful. If each act of infidelity were to cost a man say $10,000 then maybe he would come home to his wife. If a wife works to add to the family’s income then she risks loosing her alimony rights in the event of the divorce that is probable coming because the worthless husband is not making enough money.

Women create and men destroy. Unless society controls men to limit the amount of damage they do then marriage and everything else will be the victim of men’s nature

[Rebiu]

What is the point in staying married Rebiu? Your wife will complain at you no matter what you do. She spends every penny you make and is still angry all the time. As mad as she is you would think she would be happy if you hung out with you friends a little bit, instead she starts screaming about divorce, alimony and child support.

 

Marriage is a scam in which women seem nice enough until they get your legal commitment. The marriage vow should be do you agree to be responsible for all your wife’s unhappiness and let her tell you just how that is so every minute of your life as well as compel you children to be as rotten as possible when you are the most tired.

 

Marriage should allow for annulment if you wife gains more than 15 pounds, smokes more than ten cigarettes a day, or buys more than two pair of shoes, refuses to have sex, fails to keep the house clean or cooks tator tot casserole.

[Rebiu]

No system is Completely Perfect.

There are plenty of marriages that succeed and enrich. :shrug:

I estimate marriage works for between 10 to 15 percent of people. That is significantly less than complete perfection.

 

Focus on negative and you get negative

Focus on positive and you are going to recieve positive results.

I am not focusing on either aspect. I would prefer a concept of marriage that strengthens the positives of the current paradigm and eliminates the negatives.

[Rebiu]

People should feel obligated to educate themselves in the logistics of having a healthy relationship, behaviour explanations.. things like this.

You make an excellent point sir. Perhaps a class and certification.

 

So many people are clueless to the understanding of human reasoning and hidden messages.

Yes as well as clear understanding, acceptence and communication of their own needs

 

I have thought that it seems to me that it would be more important to teach about life as the main subject in schools before getting to carried away with the mathamatics, and sciences etc.

I like the way you think.

Soooo many people have bad footing in life and go through schooling with poor focus on there purpose there.

I wonder is part of the problem is that schools become so insular with the limited range of ages and consequent lack of mature role models.

[Rebiu]

Times change; Culture changes too.

I agree with you on family values. They are important. :)

Please elaborate. What are family values.

Marriage is not what it once was, because of the shifting work place.

This is true

Most divorces occur over $Money $Matters. Marriage seems less permanent than it had to be earlier on in history.

I suspect the money problems are symptomatic of a standard of living expectation not being met. This in turn could be caused by a difference in life goals.

You can realize a mistake and move on :) ; as opposed to having to live in an unhappy marriage the rest of your life. :(

Perhaps a better system of getting to know the person in the context of a marriage before you make the commitment would work.

I'm sure every Marriage and Family is Happy, Healthy, and Wholesome in the East... :shrug:

Most people in the east are to worried about survival to consider these factors and so the traditional attitudes on marriage are more appropriate.

[Tormod]

Who is Rebiu and why is he/she replying to herself? Do I smell a rat here?

[Rebiu]

Who is Rebiu and why is he/she replying to herself? Do I smell a rat here?

Things were not moving on this thread so I offered some strong opinions to get people fired up. Do you think they noticed?

[Racoon]

Please elaborate. What are family values.

 

Perhaps a better system of getting to know the person in the context of a marriage before you make the commitment would work.

 

Family values can vary differently between families and generations:

perhaps "family A" values education above all;

maybe their "neighbors B" value love and helpfulness most.

 

Its a matter of convictions. Not all Families are going to have the same value system. And not all Value systems are so great. Say "family D" values money but not togetherness time.

 

There are TOO MANY psychological AND socio-economic variables to consider.

but, Yes, there has been a "change" in Roles and Value systems within the last two generations.

 

You just need to do the best you can for You and Your Family :)

 

As for your second idea: Yes definitely. Thats why I haven't been married yet.

I am FREE!!! :) :eek:

Many People rush innto marriage. Why? usually its because the woman wants a wedding like all her friends, and to just be the center of attention for a while. Its simply "to Have a Wedding..." oh how exciting! then it crumbles after the Honeymoon phase is over! :eek2: :evil: :eek:

I can usually tell after a couple months if Permanent Compatibility is going to work or not. Most people need to learn more Psychology

 

Heres an interesting way to help stay Married, that I saw one time, and it was great: Live Next Door to each other, instead of in the same house or Condo or whatever!

That way you each have the living space, privacy, and unforced co-habitation with all the idiosynchratic quirks!

Still married, and you can sleep over when you want, but each has their space...:) ;)

[Cedars]

The rules of marriage have changed as society has realized more variables in the human condition. What the term marriage seems to stand for now, is a dream for the future. People who get married now know there are no absolutes, and they have choices that were not available in the past.

 

Before the advent of womens rights (which have been evolving), it was easier for society to hold a couple to this commitment. Easier because women did not have a say. Easier because women were considered property. Easier because women were not allowed equal access to marital assets. Those who fought for their freedom from a bad marriage had few choices. Society used the word 'divorced woman' as a dark mark on a womans morality. If they ran with the children, the womens family and friends had to support this group. Dead beat dads is not a new phenomenon. So many women stayed in a condition that was not a partnership, but a tyranny. A condition that there was few choices allowed.

 

What I am saying is the illusion of marriage and 'til death do us part has had its dark side revealed and people are given choices they did not have in the past. A past that is not that far removed from the present. Yet we are allowed to make this decision without interference from the government, as we should be allowed to. You can quit your job, move, stop associating with your parents, your siblings, etc. People are allowed to make mistakes and they are allowed to change their minds if they want to. Why should marriage be any different?

 

Psychologists cannot predict with any absolutes which marriage will last for a lifetime and I would guess are often confounded as to why a particular marriage does defy the odds and succeed even with all the freedoms individuals have to end this commitment.

[Tormod]

Well put, Cedars.