Homonyms and Their Grammatical Heirs

[mynah]

A man who throws together lots of ingredients and comes up with wonderful concoctions is known as a great chef who would never burn the steak, whereas for much of history a woman who did the same would grate the chief and be burned at the stake.

[Turtle]

The ruthless collector was content to dun the borrower until she was done paying her debt on the dun horse.

[Turtle]

The meatman prepared to shoot as soon as the animal exited the chute.

[DougF]

English is a crazy language. There's no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England, nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads aren't sweet and they sure aren't made of bread.

 

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor a pig. You can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

 

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Or ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

 

How can your house burn up as it burns down, how can you fill in a form by filling it out, how can an alarm go off by going on?

 

It drives people crazy trying to learn to speak English. Here are some reasons why:

 

The bandage was wound around the wound.

 

The farm was used to produce produce.

 

The garbage dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

 

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

 

The soldier decided to desert from the army in the desert.

 

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

 

I did not object to being the object of her affection.

 

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

 

They were too close to the door to close it.

 

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

 

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

 

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

 

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

 

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

 

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which (of course) is not a race at all. That's why when the stars are out they're visible, but when the lights are out they're invisible.

 

P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

[Turtle]

Symbols such as the crashing of cymbals, command immediate attention & convey authority.

[Turtle]

Katy felt sure she would never kill a fawn, but she was rather less steadfast about whether she might dispatch a lecherous faun.

[freeztar]

To tell the tale

Of the Whales and Wails of Wales

Is to light the lite

Of the Keels and Kills and...

[Turtle]

The key to landing at the quay, is to approach from downstream.

[Nitack]

When running a garden center while in college I had a woman with a very southern accent ask for "lamb". Not sure why she was asking for live stalk I was sure I must have misheard her. So I asked to to repeat her request over and over again and realized after a while that she was asking for "lime" the mineral.

 

To add to the list:

Capitol

Capital

[Turtle]

When I climb to the summit of the mountain, I enter a different clime than found in the valley. :)

[Turtle]

The instructor was told to lessen the verbosity of her lesson.

[Turtle]

The basis for including bases is outlined on page 5.

[Turtle]

The tinner who sang tenor lost a tenner playing craps.

[Donk]

When running a garden center while in college I had a woman with a very southern accent ask for "lamb". Not sure why she was asking for live stalk I was sure I must have misheard her. So I asked to to repeat her request over and over again and realized after a while that she was asking for "lime" the mineral.

In parts of the United States all the vowel sounds are merging. Many Americans can't hear the difference between "tapas" and "topless", or "irony" and "Arnie".

 

If it carries on they'll have to communicate by passing notes to each other - provided they can still remember how to read & write ;)

[Turtle]

The rabbit lept into its den to escape the din of men.

[Turtle]

The friar gave a grunt as he heaved the heretic into the massive fryer.

[Doctordick]

English is a crazy language.

I seldom read this thread but today I got an e-mail about a post and had some spare time and decided to have a look. DougF's post hit my funny bone and I just had to tell you all about an event I experienced back in 1981. I was in Japan negotiating a contract. As my translator, the Japanese negotiator and I were walking into the local hotel, I laughed about a motorcycle parked there with the word “Lead” splashed across the fuel tank in a clearly professional logo. I pointed at it and said, “who in the world would want to buy a ‘Lead’ motorcycle.” The Japanese negotiator responded with, “that’s not a lead motorcycle, that’s a ‘lead motorcycle’” using a long “e”. I told him that no one really fluent in English would interpret the name of something to be an adjective if a noun interpretation existed. He responded with, “Oh... That’s probably why they didn’t sell in the U.S., we had wondered what the problem was”.

 

Have fun -- Dick